You know you have Celiac Disease if....

1. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

2. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

3. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

4. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

5. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

6. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

7. You ask every restaurant if they have baked potatoes.

8. People think you're on the Atkins diet.

9. You've washed your telephone after someone answered it while eating.

10. You've checked all cups in a coffee shop for crumb residue.

11. You can say Kinnikinnick 10 times fast.

12. Someone complains of IBS, and you tell them to quit eating gluten!

13. At least once a day you fake a smile and say, "Sorry, I can't have that."

14. You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake a NIGHTMARE!!

15. You eat before you go out to eat.

16. You have anxiety attacks when dinner party invitations are extended.

17. People come to you who have your symptoms and think that they automatically have CD, even though they have the flu.

18. You bring your own soy-sauce to the sushi restaurant.

19. You think the words "Are you sure its not all in your head?" are grounds for justifiable homicide.

And additional lines added by SillyYaks:

20. You think the donut shop should have a Jolly Roger for its flag.

 (http://www.cosmosmith.com/jolly_roger.html)

21. You're seen walking up and down the grocery aisles chanting your

mantra "Every label. Every time." 

22. Your grocery bill is bigger than your neighbor's mortgage.

23. Included with your “grocery shopping list” is a binder of GF products to haul to the store.

24. At the grocery store, when you spy a “free sample table” close to the baked goods or deli, you turn around and go down another aisle.

25. You're convinced the famous donut shop DOES have a 

secret ingredient, and you don't want it! 

26. You know the real reason Jack Bauer never eats anything  on "24"... 

        (He's surrounded by Glutenoids!)
 27. You know that grabbing the first serving of something (potato chips in particular) is a medical necessity, not greed.  

28. Waiters and waitresses at restaurants know you by name.
 
29. And you know the names of all the managers and owners of your favorite restaurants.
 
30. You regularly teach restaurant people how to cook and serve.
 
31. You have several bags of “flour” sitting in your freezer so it won’t spoil!.
 
 
AND FROM A LIST POSTED LAST NOVEMBER ON SILLYYAKS:
 
You know you're celiac if...........
 
...you've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.
...you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour.
...it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is ruined.
...You hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter
...you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat display.
...you refer to the CSA/USA and TCCSSG Shopping Guides as "The Bibles."
...you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.
...you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like sawdust.
...Betty Crocker makes you sick.